Letting go

I sped down the highway

Counting the minutes until I could touch you

And then we were on the bed

Drinking and kissing and planning your trip

We turned our attention to each other

Grabbing my hip bones

You thrust into me mercilessly

You listened to my ragged panting

You watched me come

You turned me face down

And fucked me hard from behind

Punishing me until I felt you release all over my back

We collapsed together

Then you told me things were going well with her

I held my breath and then let it go

What we have is separate

Beautiful and existing in an alternate universe

We stepped out into the warm damp night

Holding hands like teenagers

We were ravenous at dinner

And quickly lost money at blackjack

One more stop for live acoustic guitar

And soon we crashed in bed

When we woke I could see a sliver of blue sky

Unexpected and hopeful

As you packed up I thought about morning sex and how much I wanted you one last time

In that moment I released my attachment to you

You kissed me goodbye

I watched your back as you rode off

You started your journey

I ended mine

I let you go

I’m free

Love you from afar

I know what he will look like

Your sandy brown hair, your sun-kissed skin, your soft lips

Your being, my consciousness

I smell you when I inhale his hair

And that keeps me going for awhile

He will bind us forever

Without having to be together

When I’m with you I need to get away

But now I sit here alone and you fill my head

I only know how to love you from afar

 

The Way

I knew I’d be back

I couldn’t stay away

It’s a relief to not have to feel the sharp edges

And I’m falling while I lean against the wall

My head is pounding and I wonder if this is it

Is there enough poison to drown out my beating heart

Will he know my last thoughts?

I don’t want this to end

But can’t go on like this

I turn to you because it’s the only thing I know

You give me what I need

Warmth and patience

While you slowly kill me

 

 

War Wounds

When you fucked me the other night, it was different
Urgent and plaintive and unfulfilling
I wanted to give you more
But my body was heavy
I took you in my mouth
You were salty and sweet and I felt you explode down my throat
I wanted to give you more
I wanted to take more
When you fucked me again, it hurt
You seized my hips and drove into me a hundred times
Ripping my insides
Punishing me.
The swelling and bleeding stopped today.
I want you again.

The Affair

Don’t you kind of wish that we never walked down this road
The way it was will never be but it’s worse now
And in some ways it’s okay
Uncertainty excited me
You used to rivet me and now you are stale
What do you think of me now
The suspense has left and you find me pedantic
There is a lump beneath my chest
Growing as you distance yourself
Leaving me doleful and gasping for air
And still I want to invent the story of us
As you slip into the night